The problem with watching movies is that they make hard work look soooooo glamorous. It’s always a musical montage. Rocky made it famous, but Whit It had it too. You see Ellen Page dig her conveniently still-fitting Barbie skates out of the back of her closet. Some amazing song comes on and she’s skating down her empty suburban street. She’s breezing along. She hides behind a tree so her mom won’t see. She skates around effortlessly at her diner job cause her boss apparently says that’s fine. She doesn’t even fall in the whole montage, but if she does it’s really ok, because within minutes, weeks have gone by and she’s really good at skating now.
Well, I fell, cause I live in real-life. There wasn’t even music playing. I bought skates on Wednesday, but then was completely horrified when I put them on at home and discovered that, even though I can ski like a pro, inline skate like any good kid of the 90’s, and ice skate backwards, I actually DON’T KNOW HOW TO ROLLER SKATE! This ruined my plans for a brief but epic training montage. I had thought, “Oh try-outs are in a month? No big deal. I’ll just start going on runs in the morning cause I’m a little out of shape.” I did not factor in learning how to not fall on my ass. So, whoops.
My six-year-old decided to be my coach. I put on the skates last night, plus the elbow, knee, wrist, and head protectors, and found a good long sidewalk. He was running alongside me shouting encouragements and telling me how it’s done. “You just need to grab onto a tree to stop!” I said no to that suggestion, but actually, I didn’t know how to stop without grabbing onto something. I was pretty sure the toe stop thing had something to do with it, but didn’t know how to make it work. My son (who does not own roller skate, by the way, but DOES know everything) explained it to me: “You see the space between the sets of wheels? When you want to stop, you have to pretend there’s a rat under your foot there. Then if you scream ‘RAT!!!!!’ and tip your foot up so that thing (the toes stop) hits the ground, you’ll be able to stop automatically. You have to get away from the rat. That’s how you do it. I actually know about how to stop roller skates. For real.”
I think it’s because sometimes I forget he’s only six, and not forty-five, or maybe because I didn’t have a better idea, but I actually did what he suggested. I was going at a steady speed when I screamed “RAT!!!!,” tipped both my feet up, wobbled like crazy, then fell backward, and landed butt-first on the sidewalk, hard. The impact had this lovely affect of traveling up my spine and shaking my brain so I was feeling the pain mostly in my head, but don’t worry! Today I feel it in my butt. My tiny coach ran over, and practiced his encouragements, “I’m sorry that happened. Let’s try again.” But I just sat there stunned, defeated. He tried a new tactic. He asked gently, “Where does it hurt?” and I answered “My butt,” to which he responded by falling over in a giggle fit, completely ignoring my agony. Oh yea, he’s six.
And that’s the last time I will listen to my 6-year-old and pretend he knows what’s what! (Until tonight, when I get home from work and he tells me that Great White Sharks can actually live in rivers but only when they are really old, like 500 years old, and I believe him cause he’s super cute and very convincing- “No, really! It’s true. My counselor told me!”)
In conclusion, I’ve learned that I am not in a well-shot movie, but would still like to learn how to roller skate really well.
-B.
As I recall from when I was 12, the toe stops only work when you turn around so you are backwards, and only then, go up on your toes. If you are going forwards and don't want the turn around, you put one foot at a 90-degree angle behind the front foot and drag it.
ReplyDeleteAs for listening to a 6 year old's advice, it's probably good for your inner child and your relationship with him, though not for your butt and back! I can just hear him giving you his expertise, for real!